Mary Fetzer

“Every family has a kid who won’t eat.” This line from one of the most memorable scenes in the beloved movie “A Christmas Story” says it all about finicky little eaters … and the moms who will do just about anything to get some food down their throats. Perhaps you were that kid growing up. Or it was your little brother or sister who made mealtime so challenging. How does this come to be?

Obsessing about food
We’re not talking about someone with an eating disorder here. Frankly, it’s the parents, not the child, who are obsessed with what (and when and how much) their babies eat. And it’s your right and responsibility as a parent to be completely “consumed” with every ounce your child ingests.

Remember when your infant was an ambitious nurser? You sleepily bragged that she had kept you up at all hours of the night because she couldn’t get enough of your nutritious breastmilk? “Just look how she’s grown.”

Then, when it was time for baby food and spoons, you couldn’t wait to introduce each item. Your little one eagerly ate every new food you put in front of her: pureed spinach, ground-up meats, mashed bananas. “See how healthy she is?”

It wasn’t long before you had fun experimenting with Cheerios, teething biscuits and those wonderful little finger foods that your toddler so sweetly put into her mouth. “Such coordination!” Admit it: you were keeping a mental log of every single bite.

The rebellion
Suddenly, this eager eater wants only chicken nuggets. For breakfast. Every day. What happened?

Wendy Hersick is a registered dietician and mom of Zachary and Sophia. “I remember when Zachary would eat anything … even plain tofu,” says Hersick. When Zachary turned 2-1/2, however, he became increasingly particular. Hersick believes that much of Zachary’s finicky behavior has less to do with food and more to do with his growing need for independence.

Rather than get into a power struggle about food with a two-year-old, Hersick presents opportunities for Zachary to make decisions about what he eats. “If Zachary wants another serving of white rice instead of his broccoli, I’ll agree to let him have the rice if he agrees to eat a few bites of the broccoli first.” Keep the options healthful so that whatever choice your child makes, you’ll both feel good about it.

One-year-old Chloe’s mom, Stephanie Bourgeois, agrees “Give them choices, but healthy ones you know are good for them.” So what is good for them? A balanced diet, of course: fruits, vegetables, dairy – you know the pyramid. Don’t separate food into grown-up fare and kid fare. Hersick believes that it is realistic to expect your child to taste and swallow at least one bite of the food that you serve. She does not prepare different foods for each member of the family. Hersick disagrees with friends who feed their kids earlier in the evening so that they can have adult time – and adult food – after hours.

“The children would have buttered noodles at 5 o’clock. At 9 o’clock, the parents would sit down to a gourmet meal, without the kids. The kids are now 10 years old and still don’t eat anything except buttered noodles.” Like most experts, she recommends that families make an attempt to eat together. “It’s important for kids to see their parents eating,” she says. Children like to imitate adults, and eating is no exception.

Since it can be difficult for working families to have regular dinners together, pick another meal to share if you must. “Make breakfast the meal you eat as a family. Serve fresh fruit, V8, eggs,” or any combination of healthful foods to make it a sharing and learning experience.

No need to force feed
Megan Wagner loves to cook, but her kids – Haley, Payton and Jack – don’t always want to eat. So Wagner gets sneaky. “I chop up raw veggies beyond any recognition, mix them with shredded cheese and ranch dressing, roll the mixture up in crescent rolls, and bake for 20 minutes. Wouldn’t you know it? They ate more than I did! I don’t know what it is about those darned, fattening crescent rolls, but they disguise anything that might be good for you.”

Bourgeois agrees in the covert culinary approach. “Do whatever it takes to get your children to eat fruits and vegetables. Serve them with dips. Puree them and sneak them into your kid’s food, if necessary, until they develop a taste for them.”

Many toddlers don’t eat three square meals a day. They tend to keep up their energy by grazing, which means they snack all day long. Bourgeois suggests making a plate for a meal and leaving it in the fridge. Rather than offer your child snacks when he’s hungry, feed him from the meal plate all afternoon. This fills nutritional needs as well as the need to spread out the calories for sustained energy. And your child won’t fill up on junk.

The bottom line
So it’s the fifth day in a row that your child has eaten peanut butter and jelly for lunch? Don’t sweat it. Somehow, children end up getting what they need to grow and be healthy. Bourgeois reminds us that kids don’t fill their nutritional needs daily like adults do, but rather over a week or two. If they eat fruit only one week and meat the next, it eventually balances out.

Hersick says it best: “Children eat well enough over time to do well.”

Read more:

• Kids in the kitchen
• Breakfast recipes kids will love